Wednesday, June 17, 2009


June 17th, 2003 at 4:20am I gave birth to my first son, Ryan Thomas.

In case you ever read this, this ones for YOU! I love you. I miss you. Not a day goes by where you are not on my mind. I pray for you. I long for you. I talk about you a lot. But I miss you more. I've missed out on most everything in your life and I hope to one day make up for that. You know, I grew up without my Dad around, just like you are growing up without your own Mom, and it hurt. So I know exactly how you will feel one day. That day you realize that your real Mom is not there with you. That she is another state. With other children. Without you. I never get to see your sweet face. Hold you, hug you. I just want to wrap my arms around you. To touch the top of you head, all that hair. I bet it's kind of crazy just like your Dad's.

One day, my son, we will be reunited. I will hug you like never before. I will wish you Happy Birthday over and over again, how ever old you are is how many times I will say it. If not more. I can't believe you are six already. SIX! Wow, first grade. A real big boy now, you are.

Happy Birthday Ryan. I love you. Forever and always!


1 comment:

Kara - Doula in training said...

I don't know the story behind why you are Ryan are apart. I just want you to know that reading that made me hurt for you. I am sorry and I hope one day you can have your little boy!