Thursday, October 15, 2009

How did I not know this?

Apparently while shoving the loss of our daughter in the back of my mind for fear of looking weak or becoming a crazy lady I've also ignored the fact that today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

It's not that I don't want to remember our sweet baby girl it's just that I find it easier, for the most part, to hide such sad moments from my mind. I like to think of it as a form of protection. It may not be the 'right' way or the healthy way to deal but for me, right now, it works.

And somehow in the midst of acting like nothing ever happened I've also let this special day slip my mind. Now I almost feel like total scum for even admitting that the way I feel and even more like scum that I didn't know that such a day as this even existed. No wonder why Kara wrote those sweet words to me on Facebook. My first thought was, 'um Kara honey, you got her death date wrong.' Then it went to, 'well maybe she was just having a moment and was sweet enough to think of me during her busy days.' But now, after I got smacked in the head with a package of light bulbs, I get it!

I mean really, how can someone like me, someone who has been through a miscarriage AND the loss of an infant NOT know about this? Guess I live under a rock. Like I said, I call it protection. Protection from the truth, yes, but still protection.

So while I realize I am a bit late in posting this I hope my thoughts and prayers still mean the same!


Kara - Doula in training said...

You are allowed to be's the way God made you! You are allowed to be weak and miss your little girl. Heck...I cry for her often. It's just the way I deal, I guess. We all deal in a different way. And that is OK! I love you and thank you for touching my life!

Shannon said...

Shoving is normal :)

I was thinking of mentioning her in my blog post yesterday about PILRD (I just made up that acronym, so don't think it's something else you didn't know, HA!) but I didn't know her name. But I was thinking of you, having just read your post a few days before. Hugs to all of you!

The SISTERHOOD!! said...

Please don't beat yourself up! There is no "RIGHT" way to drink from the cup of pain and loss that you have been given. Loving your daughter doesn't have a day and is not an event..I am sure that it is a moment by moment thing, and everyday is a day to celebrate the time you shared even through the pain. ***HUGS***