ten things

to do differently in
2010

Cowboys and Brothers

This picture just makes me smile for so many reasons. I mean how can you not! Just look at those two brothers laughing and having a great time.

Bear said he was a cowboy (hence the boots and new toy gun) and that his brother was the horse. Apparently this horse pushes the cowboy on something with wheels instead of using a saddle.

*I'm really at a loss for words these days so for a bit longer some pictures will have to do. I DO have a few posts in the works but like I said, they are in the works! Hang tight!

Buddies

sealed with a kiss!

(click on the picture to see a larger version and Papa Bear's reaction to my kiss!)

This is my favorite picture of Papa Bear and I! We went to Garden of the Gods after the Love & Respect Marriage Retreat (more about that later!) to enjoy the scenery! It was a perfect day and a great way to end the weekend.

Things I didn't know until I became a parent

As I was watching the boys play this morning I started thinking about how my life was before they were born and how things have changed. Some things were quite humorous and some made me teary-eyed! Here's what I came up with!

I didn't know that my multi-tasking would go as far as nursing/comforting a child while also trying to use the bathroom.

I didn't know there were more food groups than what's in the food pyramid.Paper products, personal hygiene products, pet food, etc.

I didn't know being a parent could be so tough!

I didn't know that silence is to be feared. Especially when you have more than one child.

I didn't know that poop is an acceptable conversation topic.

I didn't know that poop came in such wide arrays of bright colors and textures.

I didn't know that you could love someone so much.

I didn't know that I would ever utter this sentence: "Stop trying to bite your brother's toes."

I didn't realize how precious it was to shower alone.

I didn't know that when it was time to leave the house, not only did I have to remember the kids, diapers, snacks, and sippy's, but we also have to take blanket, cars, and pacis.

I didn't know I would ever bribe my child with an M&M. You've done it, too!

I didn't know that I'd have more fun with a kid's toy than they do.

I didn't know that peeing alone was the ultimate luxury!

I didn't know that "just running to the store" could take me an hour!

I didn't know that my house would never be clean again!

I didn't know that a single kiss could take away owies.

I didn't know how a sweet, milky smile could make my day brighter.

I didn't know that having a 2 year old climb into bed with me for the 2nd (3rd, 4th or 5th) time wouldn be the sweetest thing.

I didn't know that taking a shower by myself would involve various distraction techniques and bribery.

I didn't know that it was fun to squirt someone with breast milk on the face just because. Okay, don't act like you haven't tried it...or at least thought about it!

I didn't know that my husband would be a bigger kid than the children are!

I didn't know that it was impossible for boys to get all the pee into the toilet.

I didn't know that cereal was an acceptable meal no matter what time of day it is.

I didn't know it was possible to not sleep more than 2 hours at a time for month on end and still function.

I didn't know that I would have to tell my kids to stop eating things out of the dogs mouth.

I didn't know that a 2yr olds poop can be big enough to clog up the toilet.

I didn't know that when baby oatmeal dries it becomes cement.

I didn't know that when my kid ate a sticker it would come out whole, and still in full color.

I didn't know that without a diaper, breastfed baby poop has a projectile range of over 4 feet.

I didn't know I'd need to carry extra underwear in my purse, along with a random crayon, loose Cheerios , half a T-Rex, and a salt shaker from...well from somewhere!

I didn't know the perfect time to remove your child's boogers is when they're already crying.

I didn't know that I would gladly wear my child for hours on end just to get him to finally take that much needed nap and quit fussing.

I didn't know I'd be co-sleeping at night, and scared to death if the little one was in the crib and not in bed with us.

I didn't know that slowly moving your hand over a sleepy baby's face can get them to fall asleep much faster.

I didn't know that baby would be happiest with a wooden spoon or an old TV remote.

I didn't know the depth of "I would do ANYTHING" to keep someone else protected, until I saw those two lines that meant I truly had someone else to look out for now!

I didn't know that drool could be so cute.

I didn't know that a small pool filled with toy balls would be the BEST toy on the face of this earth!

I didn't know that I could be pushed to my limit by something so tiny, yet still look forward to waking up every single day to see what new thing they will discover and relish in!

I didn't know that something can make you feel as inadequate and incapable as a child.

I didn't know that a playgroup could be so stressful.

I didn't know that kids thought maxi-pads were just really big band-aids and would want to wear them when they had a big boo-boo.

I didn't know that liking your child is a bigger blessing than loving your child.

I didn't know that losing a child would make me a better mom to my living children.

I didn't know that seeing my children grow would make me love my husband more.

I didn't know that I would do 7 loads of laundry every single day and still have nothing to wear!

I didn't know that I would throw temper tantrums too.

I didn't know that with each child, I'd get dumber and dumber. Don't debate me on this one!

I didn't know that when I finally got away for alone time, I'd spend it shopping for my kids.

I didn't know that kids with boogery faces and mismatched clothes would help me relate to another mother instead of judge her.

I didn't know how genuinely excited I would be to see pee/poop in the potty

I didn't know that I would sneak into the bathroom and sit in the dry tub with my laptop pretending to take a bath to get a few minutes of alone time.

I didn't know that I would actually understand toddler language to such an extent that I would have to play interpreter.

I didn't know that it would just be easier to get the kids naked for dinner rather than scrubbing stains for the rest of the night.

And I certainly didn't know that being a mom would be this amazing!

One totally awesome and yummy cake!

Just don't look at the pretty 'paint job!'

I came across THIS cake a few months ago and planned to make it much sooner but it scared me. You see, I'm not much of a cook. Okay, so not a cook at all. When I showed the cake idea to my sister she said she had to have it! So I bit the bullet and made it.

Since I couldn't find the gel food coloring I had to make due with the liquid colors. They came out pretty good even though the pink didn't stay pink.

I love how it looked after I put it in the pans!
Like I said, I'm no Betty Crocker but this cake seriously rocks! Just check out the inside. How can you not enjoy this cake. I think I had a kiddish grin on my face the whole time I at my piece(s)!!

Go ahead...oooo and ahhh over my awesome cake!


You know you wish you had a piece!

BUT

Let's just say if it wasn't for the fact that I really want Sam to have a little smash cake like this (minus the pretty paint job!) for his birthday {which is THIS FRIDAY!} I wouldn't be making this cake for a WHILE!

But she loved it and it tasted GREAT so that's all that matters!

These boots were made for walking!

And that's just what they'll do. Well, more like run!

Bear was gifted an awesome pair of cowboy boots and he couldn't be more excited! He just LOVES them. Especially the sound they make when he walks across the kitchen floor or the wood floors in the hallway!

While we were getting ready for church he demanded that he wear them. I obliged. I mean, after all, he does look super cute in them. You should have seen his face light up when he heard the sound they make in the church lobby!

Thanks, friend, for the awesome boots. You've made the bear happy!

How did I not know this?

Apparently while shoving the loss of our daughter in the back of my mind for fear of looking weak or becoming a crazy lady I've also ignored the fact that today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day


It's not that I don't want to remember our sweet baby girl it's just that I find it easier, for the most part, to hide such sad moments from my mind. I like to think of it as a form of protection. It may not be the 'right' way or the healthy way to deal but for me, right now, it works.

And somehow in the midst of acting like nothing ever happened I've also let this special day slip my mind. Now I almost feel like total scum for even admitting that the way I feel and even more like scum that I didn't know that such a day as this even existed. No wonder why Kara wrote those sweet words to me on Facebook. My first thought was, 'um Kara honey, you got her death date wrong.' Then it went to, 'well maybe she was just having a moment and was sweet enough to think of me during her busy days.' But now, after I got smacked in the head with a package of light bulbs, I get it!

I mean really, how can someone like me, someone who has been through a miscarriage AND the loss of an infant NOT know about this? Guess I live under a rock. Like I said, I call it protection. Protection from the truth, yes, but still protection.

So while I realize I am a bit late in posting this I hope my thoughts and prayers still mean the same!

under construction

I'm in the middle of changing a few things before I dive back into the blogosphere. I really loved the owls but it was a bit too busy for my liking. Now on to something new and different. A bit more streamlined!

Time-Out

Well my blog friends. The time has come. I am stepping away from the blogosphere for a little while. I don't plan on being gone too long as I'm a little addicted to blogging. I just think that right now while things are as crazy as they are that I need to take a step back and put my focus on other things.

My boys are getting so big so fast and changing from day to day. I really want to enjoy all the time I can with them while they are this age! It's so fun! Riley is talking a lot more and you can even understand most of what he's saying. Sam is doing his best to try some walking. Can't believe he will be a year old next month!

I may post a few pictures here and there till I get back in the mood to blog on a more regular basis.

Till then, God bless!

Hurt

It's not easy to admit when one is hurt. Specially if it isn't physical pain. Even harder to admit that it was your own {freaking} family that did the hurting.

While I wish badly that I could write it all out and use this blog as another sounding board I just can't. No need in rehashing what all happened and who it happened with. Just know that what was said/done was extremely hard to deal with.

Days later and I am still hurt. Still left with questions that will go unanswered because, well because I'm just too chicken to ask them why. And maybe that's a good thing. As far as I know one of these people doesn't even know that I am upset with them. Though it should be obvious without even talking or looking at me. What was said should be enough to make someone feel bad but not everybody has a genuine heart. Not saying mine is always genuine but I do try.

But life goes on and so does this blog. I can't let two people ruin my life. I still love them. Always will. And just for the record...NO, one of these two people is NOT my husband.

He's the best!

Bittersweet

The four of us ventured out to Toys R Us this afternoon after church. They had a deal going on where you bring in old baby gear and 'trade it in' to get 20% off your purchase. We chose to get Baby Bear a new car seat. He's getting so big.

It didn't take long to pick out the new seat. I pretty much knew which one it was going to be but there was one other seat I wanted to check out first. We ended up going with the same one as we have for Big Brother Bear! The Evenflo Triumph Advance LX! We love that seat so it was an easy pick. I also like that neither of them have a designated seat since the straps can be easily adjusted and Big Brother is still rear facing! And yes, he loves it!

Here he is checking out his new seat.

I never had second thoughts about getting rid of the bucket seat. That is, until we got to the check out lane and I see this...



The backside of the car seat. No big deal, right? Well, not so much. You see, that's the seat we bought for Lela less than a week before she was born. I didn't like that it was Winnie The Pooh nor did I like the color. But it had great safety features so I was sold. Funny thing is, Daddy ended up calling her Pooh Bear. So I guess it was fitting. All three of our children used that seat. But that wasn't the connection. It was our baby girl's seat first. And it was one more thing that we were getting rid of. One more piece of our baby gone out of our home. Standing right there in that check out line I lost it. Cried like a baby.

I went to the service desk and asked if I could get a picture of it real quick. Didn't really explain myself. The employee just looked at me funny then chuckled and asked what I was doing. She was going to remove the sign for me but I asked that she leave it on. She sure did think I was crazy. Then I explained. She teared up, said some encouraging words and gave me a big smile. I rubbed the seat one last time and walked out the door. New seat in the cart and tears rolling down my face.



I was regaining composure as we were setting Baby Bear's new seat. I then see two people in red shirts coming to our van. I thought maybe they had car seat tech there that I didn't know about coming to help us. Not exactly. It was the lady behind the service desk and the manager. They had been crying before they came out. The manager asked me if I would like to keep the car seat and still be able to keep my savings. I was overjoyed. Just the thought of those two ladies was great. They truly had a good heart. Our story had touched them and they just wanted to make me happy. I fought with myself over weather or not to keep the seat. We really have no need for it nor do we have room to just store it. It was nearing it's expiration date so I didn't want to donate it. She finally asked if I just wanted the cover. After holding my hands over my face for a few second I took her up on the offer. She told me to come in after we got the boys settled down and she would get it for me. I don't think it was even a full minute later she was back out with cover in hand. She handed it to me and I held on tight for a few moments and shed a few more tears.

Almost four years later and I am still having such a hard time with this. Actually, I think her death is just now hitting me...or maybe just hitting me harder than it has before. I'm glad to know that no matter how good or how bad things are God is right there with me. He is there is every high and every low. Even this one!

Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me. Psalm 54:4
Cast all your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22

Busy These Days

We have been so busy lately that I have neglected my blog. How tragic. I really am sorry to you few loyal readers. Now you have something, however pathetic, to read!

Riley is still doing great in his big boy undies. He doesn't always make it but that's okay. He will one day get the hang of it. The Elmo undies are his favorite. I knew I should have bought two packs of those since now I can't find more.

He is getting so much better with listening and not throwing tantrums. I don't know if it's something I did or if he's finally growing out of it. Either way, I love it. He has a 'time out' chair and we use it pretty much everyday but it works well and seems to do the trick. Another trick - 1 2 3. Yep, that's right, I'm counting. "Don't make me get to three!" That's me. It really works. Never thought I would use that trick but man, it works.

As each day comes and goes Riley is saying more and more words and piecing sentences together. True, I am usually the only one that can understand him but I am still proud! He is getting so big I can hardly stand it. Where did my baby go? It's already time to buy new jeans, shoes and even some shirts!

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Sam is growing like crazy. He is still a tiny little thing but he is getting there. The poor fella will have to wear one piece outfits throughout winter since he is so small...he would crawl right out of the pants.

Speaking of crawling, this kid cracks me up. He has the Army crawl mastered but refuses to pick his belly up off the floor. One day I sat him by the toy box and looked away for a moment and when I looked back at him he was standing up. I freaked out. He hadn't shown any signs that he was even near ready to do such things. Before we know it he will be running around the house with his brother.

He's also got two bottom teeth! Those things hurt. I am so glad they are on the bottom though otherwise I'm afraid nursing would hurt! The little bugger still refuses to take a bottle of any sort with anything in it. He's a true mama's boy!

Can you believe his birthday is just around the corner. It just occurred to me today that I need to be thinking about what we are going to do on his special day. I'm thinking Elmo. I didn't want to do any character themes for their first birthdays but he really seems to enjoy Elmo. And after-all...it's all about the kids!

**sorry, no pictures this time. I'm pooped and just too lazy to grab the camera and upload any! Next time, promise!

Father & Son

These two boys bring so much joy to my life. They love spending time together and I love watching them do it. This particular evening Paper Bear and Bear were laying on the floor watching cartoons and holding hands. It doesn't get any better than that.

Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.
Psalms 127:3

Changes

Nothing major. Just some simple {yea, that's a lie!} life changes. What I mean is that it's time to get myself back in shape and eating better. No more sitting on the couch and complaining that my thighs are too wide while I eat a whole pint of ice cream. No more drinking a few cokes a day and eating anything in sight that is sweet.

Nope. No more. Okay, maybe a little here and there. Can't go all cold turkey now. It's time to bust my hiney and do something about it. I've been saying that for a couple years now. But seriously, this time I've GOT to get off my rear end and get moving. Need to find some motivation. Something to keep me going once I start. Hmmm. Still working on that one.

I am determined to prove to myself that I CAN do this. It's not about losing weight. For me it's about living a healthier lifestyle. Being able to get and stay active for my boys and get my body nice and toned again. No more baby belly.

What exactly am I going to do? Well, I don't know yet! Yea, silly I know. But I've found a GREAT website called SparkPeople and it is chock full of all kinds of goodies. Anything from nutrition {I refuse to say diet!}, fitness, accountability and so on. It's a place to get information and also a place to talk with other people who are needing the same thing in message board forum. All kinds of free videos to use as well.

Today I did the whopping six minute lower body video and let me tell you, it's gonna take a while to get used to this. I'm also thinking I might try bike riding! I've always wanted to.

That's it for today. Time to get back to drinking more water. Coke, I'm gonna miss you!

In Check

Far too many times I find myself trying to control the outcome of anything and everything I do. Not only what I do but what my children and even my own husband do. It's amazing to me how much we, as humans, think we are in control of our lives. We do so much on a day to day basis just making decisions on a whim. Not thinking anything of it. We just do it and go on about our day. We go on doing what we think we are supposed to be doing. But are we sure we are doing what God wants us to do? Is what we are doing or about to do for God's glory? Have we consulted God in prayer before doing it? It's so easy just to carry on from day to day not thinking about God has planned for us and where he wants us to be. For several months now I have had four words stuck in my mind-

"...just pray about it." Those four words are forever etched in my mind. I do make a lot of decisions on a whim when needed but don't think that quote doesn't cross my mind before and after the decision has been made. Those four words were said one night by the owner of a local scrap book store. Whenever someone was stumped on where to put something, if they should buy this sheet of paper or that one or for more important things such as family issues she would proudly say those four words, 'just pray about it.'

As silly as it sounded the first time I heard it I went ahead and prayed about where I should put that sticker and if I should get that dinosaur paper set that I strongly felt was calling my name. I know what you're thinking, come on Tyra, really? Praying over THAT? Yes, seriously. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Did you catch that? Pray when? Pray continuously. Yes folks, that means to pray even when you are scrap booking.

Prayer is pretty powerful. Scratch that, prayer is REALLY powerful. If I did not pray and ask God for help and guidance I am pretty darn sure my life would be OUT OF CONTROL. He keeps me in check and focused. Ecclesiastes 7:14 says "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider:God has made the one as well as the other..", God has MADE one as well as the other. God IS in control. He plans things well whether we think it so or not.

When I saw this picture of Riley it made me think about control and prayer and how they work together. It's pretty simple just as the picture shows. At first it just looks like the kid loves to wear my pink hat and walk around with my Bible but after looking at it some more I thought, you know, the kid looks all a mess and seems to be missing a few important items if he were to really be walking out of the house like he thought he was and then it hit me. He's got all he needs. That Bible holds it all. Glad that kid keeps me in check.

Popsicle

Today Little Bear had his first popsicle courtesy of big brother! He thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it. That is, till I took it away.

I'm sure the cold yummy sweetness felt good on his teething gums. The poor guy has been feeling rather yucky these days so this was a real treat.

{More about our missed week later. I'm off to fend off Captain Snot and help the Poop Troop invade the toilet!}

Crazy Busy Whoa

WHOA! This week, well the past few actually, have been pretty crazy. Bear has been just that, a bear and so has Little Bear. We are deep in the middle of terrible-twos and teething. What a combination! I can't blame the crazy-busy-whoa all on the two boys though. I've had a bad case of the blahs. Bad. I haven't wanted to do anything, go anywhere, talk to anyone...nothing. Melissa-don't you say a word, I know what you're thinking!

I have a bit of a feeling why I've been this way but for now I will just keep that to myself. It's nothing serious and nothing that I won't get out from under. Just in a funk. A not so nice funk, but a funk that I will outgrow! Been doing a lot of praying to get out from under it and I have faith that God will pull me through and when I'm out from under this black cloud I will be my old self once again. While I continue to pray could I ask you to do the same? Just keep our family in general in your prayers. And that means that Mandy better be prepared for me to be over everyday once again!

So even though we have had the blahs we did manage to survive the last couple weeks. Bear has been in undies for the last two weeks and has done GREAT. Far better than I thought he would. He thinks that when we take Oli outside to go potty that he has to go, too. Boys, there's just something about peeing outside that they just love. Little Bear has two bottom teeth which took forever to come in and sure do hurt when he bites me now! Oli has adjusted fabulously. Hasn't had a single accident in the house and plays so well with the kids.

Now I'm sure after all that reading you would like to see some pictures. Because, after all, a blog post just isn't a blog post without pictures, right!?

How we do 'time out' around here! KIDDING!

Our daily walks now consist of avoiding the house with one thousand (okay I exaggerated a little on that one) cats so that Oli doesn't go crazy.

It's A Boy

Meet the newest addition to the Spain family - Mr. Oli{ver}!

We adopted Oli from my good friend Kara! I feel honored that she would ask us to adopt Oli and love on him just the way she did. It was a hard decision that was prayed about from both sides. We put this tough decision in God's hands and he reassured us that it would all work out. Oli couldn't be a more perfect dog! I just know he is the perfect fit for our family...what we have been waiting on for so long now! God is good, even with dogs!

Look how sweet and cuddly he is! {love}

I think Papa Bear is even in love, but shhh, don't tell him!

Kiss The Cook{s}

The kitchen needed to be cleaned and the boys were needing some entertainment.

Enter two bowls and two plastic spoons.

It really doesn't take much to entertain the two of them! It was so fun watching my two bears sit and play with the simplest of things. And to think at one point I was worried at how well they would play together!

{Ask me about that very same thought in about thirty minutes when Bear is trying to sit on Baby Bear's back!}